You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
