just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Couch. On fire.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I did not marry a roomba.
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