Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I AM VODKA MAN
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
