By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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