WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
