guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
