I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
