Do you still have your period?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
