Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
