Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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