I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
