I accidentally burped into my bong.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
