You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
