There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
