he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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