wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I love you.
Bad choice
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
