my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
