my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
