Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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