i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
