the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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