remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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