so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
