I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I queefed so loud it echoed.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
