He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you will always have a special place in my vag
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
