I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
