i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
