I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize