Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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