Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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