just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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