I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize