i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
