do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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