All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
