Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
