I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
barbara walters just said penis...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
