the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i drank out of a bidet.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize