Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
