He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
