I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
