wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
