Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
