unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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