I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's blow job season.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
