don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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