even my farts smell like vagina
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
