we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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