Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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