2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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