Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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