I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm going to jail i love you
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
