Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We are two peas in an std pod
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
