I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
