I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize