In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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