I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
my poor anus
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
