it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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