i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize