My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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