Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
