Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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