I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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