You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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