wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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