I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize