DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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