Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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