There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
