i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
