There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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