Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
