Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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