You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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