You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
