Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I stole a fireplace last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
