im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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