Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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