I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize