you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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