The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
