Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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