no, he came in my armpit
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
