I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
