So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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