More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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