Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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