Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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