Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
one might say we're banned from that church
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
