I met the friendliest cop last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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