He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Watching her eat just hurts me
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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