Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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