Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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