I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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