i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
