She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
