I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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