JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
